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Bad Reads

"I had a bad review, so I'm only a 3-1/2 star general."

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Thomas Mann.

Victor Hugo

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Television Readers.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

'Romeo and Julietta'

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

Filling the Missile Gap

My Literary Influences

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'Is this your first book launch?'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

Book Lovers in Richmond

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Theodore Dreiser.