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Bad Reads

"I had a bad review, so I'm only a 3-1/2 star general."

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Television Readers.

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

My Literary Influences

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'Romeo and Julietta'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

Filling the Missile Gap

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'Is this your first book launch?'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

An acceptable level of TV violence.

Voltaire

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

Library

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.