Novel Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Jimmy Joe's: Face Masks, Hand Sanitizer, Xanax...

Songs of the humpbacked whale

"Mmm, smell this one."

One word of this ends up as research for your new novel and the divorce papers will be in the post.

'This is a great book. Have you read it?'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Television Readers.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'He was a great writer'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

My Literary Influences

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

So You've Cloned Yourself

'Is this your first book launch?'

Temporary and Permanent Writer's Block