Review Aficionados T-Shirts

'Convenience Product Quarterly calls it 'one of a kind...shattering.''

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"The health of Mr. Putin is very good!"

Larry King

'I understand night and day, but which came first?'

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

Record department with rock, crossover and classical sections.

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

The grave of Punch magazine.

"I'm starting to wish we'd never bought him that thing."

Audiovisual law

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

"I told you not to hand in that evaluation form until after we'd docked!"

'It's big and it's yellow.'

"Waiter! Waiter! There's no flies in my soup!"

A caveman offers another a copy of, 'The Ug Issue'.

'Another casualty of U.S. Rating agencies...'

Internet Dude

Young Simon Cowell

"The working title needs work."

Ernie's Music. Ernie, you're opening a music store? Yep, I'm going to serve a niche market. I won't be selling CD's or any other digital music. I also won't be selling the old cassette or eight-track tapes. I'm only selling records. I'm catering to audiophiles who appreciate the unique sound quality they deliver. That's great! Are you going to adverties? Yeah, my tagline is "All sales vinyl"

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

'My regular slimming magazine seems to be getting thinner.'