Review Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's my own fault for not checking the reviews.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Thomas Mann.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Television Readers.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

Silence of the Chickens...

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Meet the Enemy

Characters jumping out of a book.

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Iris Murdoch

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"That's Hicks from the corporate office. He's adorable, but trust me—when it comes to acquisitions, he's an animal!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Idlib, Syria - The final stage

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

My Literary Influences

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"