Rating Enthusiast T-Shirts

"For five starts it's worth the trip."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"This place is fantastic. I understand it got four stars in some blog somewhere."

'I'm rating stuff.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Filling the Missile Gap

An acceptable level of TV violence.

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Can you fetch all of these but leave these others alone?'

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Soccer coach of the year.

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

The Real Russian history

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

Ostrich Bar

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

The Election Strategy

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Norman E-Mailer

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash