Retro Groomer Gifts

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Dating is so expensive...

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

'Thirty years from now, this will seem terribly quaint and awash in charming period detail.'

The Cat Spa

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

Movember

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Nice haircut."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

"We have a very special relationship with our barber."

'To grow a good beard, have good dental habits. First, brush with a concave brush to clean the teeth's facial surfaces. Then use a convex brush to reach flat surfaces. Then use a scalloped brush to be chic. Then floss to clean between teeth. Then use ...