Retro Groomer T-Shirts

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Dating is so expensive...

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

Jarvis Cocker

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

The Cat Spa

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

'Thirty years from now, this will seem terribly quaint and awash in charming period detail.'

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Nice haircut."

Movember

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'Have you had a brazilian?'

Hair Traffic control.

'Reach up and fold down into Uttanasa.' - 'Notice how you feel both physically and spiritually.' - 'Physically, I feel that my toenails are a bit too long.' - 'Hmmm... okay, what about spiritually?'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.