Retirement Celebrators Gifts

'You're retired, Rufus. No more sniffing out drugs, remember?'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Good game."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Pilot with champagne.

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'...I said we've been marooned.'

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

Old Karate Master

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Death coach..."

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."