Retirement Anniversary Gifts

"Those speedbumps are there for a reason, Mrs. Gunderson."

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

Sunnydene Rest Home

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'You've been having your damn midlife crisis for eighteen years!'

Retirement Anxiety Race.

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Fred N. Rasmussen: From Zero to Sixty in What Seemed Like Ten Seconds.

"Retirement was a culture shock, I still haven't mastered 'pottering'."

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Good game."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Lady of the Cake.

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Do you think we can cuddle?'

'Not that net!'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"