Retiree In Training Gifts

"Oh no! It's another lecture on his pension contributions!"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Happy Retirement

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Best Scapegoat

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

'Can't you forget you were an art teacher?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'What a bunch of control freaks!'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."