Retail Rebels Gifts

'I want to start a retail outlet called, 'WE'RE CLOSING OUR DOORS FOR GOOD.' '

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Pirates at the mall.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'I like thinking inside the box.'

"I just love these casual fridays."

"Returns"

Brick and Mortar

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

'But the invitation says 'come as you are'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this seminar is about how to make profits in times of crisis..."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"Look, you took a huge fashion risk and it just didn't work out for you."

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"Any chance of some credit?"

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

Complaints (just kidding).

"It's remarkable, Mr. Volmer. You have the clothes of a man half your age!"

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."