Retail Rebels Pillows

'I want to start a retail outlet called, 'WE'RE CLOSING OUR DOORS FOR GOOD.' '

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

Pirates at the mall.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

'I like thinking inside the box.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Fashion Police Incident Area'

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"Returns"

"I just love these casual fridays."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

Brick and Mortar

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

'But the invitation says 'come as you are'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this seminar is about how to make profits in times of crisis..."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

"Look, you took a huge fashion risk and it just didn't work out for you."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

Complaints (just kidding).

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"Any chance of some credit?"

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

"It's remarkable, Mr. Volmer. You have the clothes of a man half your age!"

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'How about some beef stew? -- the wusses from the Health Department made us discontinue the chili.'