Retail Rebel Gifts

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

Honesty in retail

"No, thanks. I'm just looting."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

"l'm returning this to the manufacturer in my own impenetrable clamshell packaging. They must suffer as I have suffered."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

No shirt? No shoes? Come in!

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Sign in store - 'Under New Mismanagement'

"I take it from his demeanour that Sir would be requiring some cashback."

FOOD, CLOTHING, AND SHELTER, 'These 'big box' stores are getting out of hand.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Hey! What part of 'Buy Something' don't you understand?

Pirates at the mall.

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

Woman's Support Group: No Bra, No Griddle, No Service.

'What are the other nonconformists wearing this year?'

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

"He'll never grow out of it. It's made of rubber."

Rock and Roll

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

Punkins

Casual Thursday

'More hair than brains.'

Man burning his tie.