Retail Realists Gifts

'It's frustrating to work all day selling stuff you can't possibly afford.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I shop, therefore I am."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

Pirates at the mall.

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Brick and Mortar

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

"The increase in our budget has allowed you the luxury of a company vehicle. Enjoy."

"Look's like a dummy run to me!"

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Getting older is . . . when you start to dress for comfort rather than style.