Retail Rants Gifts

'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah, blah.' - 'Ahem.' - 'Blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah.' - 'Excuse me.' - 'Does it look like we want to help you?!' -

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Pirates at the mall.

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Mozart's improvisational skills, along with his lack of financial security, often led to brilliant inspiration.

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

Wal-Mart Bank of Canada.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

The 29p Shop

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'