Retail Renegades Gifts

Supermarket checkout sigs read: 'Eight items or less; Cash only; I'll think of something.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

Pirates at the mall.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

"Without mentioning any names, certain questionable liberties have been taken with our dress code."

Now entering: Space. Population - wouldn't you like to know.

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Hey, Ernie, you're trying on costumes for the Halloween party! No, I'm finding clothes for my job at the store. I need to fit in the Christmas Decorations there. They've been up for weeks. It's too soon! I don't like decorations going up so early! Cupid's another way I could dress for work. The Valentine's Day decorations are going up right now!

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

"Whaddya mean line ball? The ball was out! O.U.T.! You blind or something?"

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Complaints (just kidding).

Solar Storm Expected!

"Declared Victory Garden"

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

'Good heavens, Margaret, the bailout was for wall street, not for you.'

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"They do require a jacket and tie but they're not real dogmatic about it."

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Looks like his business confidence is picking up.

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

"...He's been going to work in a wheelie bin. He says its quicker, cleaner and less cramped"

"Mr McNab gives primal scream therapy for shoplifters."

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."