Retail Rants Prints

'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah, blah.' - 'Ahem.' - 'Blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah.' - 'Excuse me.' - 'Does it look like we want to help you?!' -

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Pirates at the mall.

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Mozart's improvisational skills, along with his lack of financial security, often led to brilliant inspiration.

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Conglomo Corporation: Proud manufacturer of outrageously useless stuff you apparently can't live without.'

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

"I made a big mistake getting into ladies underwear..."

I'm sorry sir, store rules. No 'Stairway to Heaven'.

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

We Offer Fast, Friendly Or Quality Service! "So, which one do you want?"

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"... And you said this was you and your husband's first time shopping at Costco?"

The 29p Shop

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"Well,hopefully we only have to wear them for a week or two."

'It's not my job to argue with you, sir. So, I'm turning you over to Mrs Yomp.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"You got hiking boot in 58?"