Angry Customer Stories Prints

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Do not feed the clerks.

Call Center.

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'

"No, this is the department for obfuscation, hindrance, confusion and prevarication...you want the department for sophistry, incomprehension, fudging and evasiveness!!"

'Of course I care, madam!'

"My name's Karezog, Despoiler of Worlds, Devourer of Souls. I'll be your server tonight."

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

"You're home from work now Dear, you can go back on your default setting."

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

"She's asking if it's fresh-squeezed. Should I tell her to f**k off?"

'And why do you want a refund on that calendar?'

"You can stop holding sir, everyone has gone home."

Complaint clerk presses button to drop customer through trap door

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"Your call is important to us."

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."