Frustrated Customer Prints

"Please rate our customer service. For Nasty Insults, Press 1...."

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

Car Dealer

'Is there a lemon law for husbands?'

Ryanair refunds

"The doctor will bill you now."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

"Sometimes, I wish we'd never invented football."

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"This passport is so weak that I need a visa to enter my own country."

How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

Sorry, this game is not available in your area

Intelligent Navigation Device...

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

Cooling off period? I'm so cold I'll probably never use your company again!

"Your call is important to us, please hold on for the next available echo."

What's the sale price on scones? Zero percent off. It's a sale in name only. I see. How many can I get at the sale price? The sale mentality mocks me.

'After seeing the latest fuel bills your Dad's gone nuclear!'

'You have reached the technical assistance hotline. We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please call back later.'

Police: Don't bother to call Dept formerly rapid response.

Customer Avoidance Dept.

"Effing self-publishing rejection!"

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.

"Eighty-five dollars, just to poke my head through the door! Doesn't that make you sick?"

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

"The 9.23 train is cancelled...new timetables will be arriving at 9.46, 10.15 and 11.07."