Frustrated Caller Prints

"If you have a touch tone telephone, please choose from the following 12,847 options. . ."

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

Car Dealer

Ryanair refunds

"If I hear one more buzz I will pull this car over!"

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"The doctor will bill you now."

'Thank you for calling the Zepco mattresses hotline...'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

Intelligent Navigation Device...

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

"This passport is so weak that I need a visa to enter my own country."

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with life!"

"Your call is important to us, please hold on for the next available echo."

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

Voice Jail

"This is NHS direct.You are in a queue,approximate waiting time is 4 hours."

Feelings towards radios #5 Man angrily kicking a radio.

Police: Don't bother to call Dept formerly rapid response.

"Here it comes...my hard work is paying off...give it to me, baby!"

"Please rate our customer service. For Nasty Insults, Press 1...."

Basic Economy

"yetthhh, i hold..."

"You're darn right I'm angry: my reputation has been ruined by my behavior."

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.

"Eighty-five dollars, just to poke my head through the door! Doesn't that make you sick?"

Books - Travel Misery Memoirs

"The 9.23 train is cancelled...new timetables will be arriving at 9.46, 10.15 and 11.07."

Man at complaints window gets redirected to the next window.

'If this is the conflict resolution hotline, why are you ticking me off??!!

The Property Ladder

When Cell Phone Users Go to Hell

"Just give me a moment..."