Frustrated Phone Warrior Prints

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

'I'm sick of answering the phone - half the time, it's about business!'

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Call Center.

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

'The computer's down again.'

"Dave's away from his desk, I'm afraid. Can I take a message, or read you his browser history."

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

'This is the technical support. To become connected to a service agent, please press the root of 576081, divided by three, times one point seven, mins 429.1.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

"I'm going to put you on hold for a few minutes...to see if you totally lose it."

"I'm not angry with you, I'm angry with life!"

Assertiveness training - man answers phone; 'Can I get back to you? How about when I'm darned good and ready?'

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'

Cooling off period? I'm so cold I'll probably never use your company again!

“Something’s wrong with my android.”

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

'Stop phoning me at work. I don't care if you have got a technical problem!'

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

Voice Jail

Soothing music whilst waiting for phone line - for Vivaldi press 1.....

"Is 'disgusted with the whole lot of them' a choice?"

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"

"... Or, if you're still listening to all of these automated options and we can't put you off making this call, press 9."

Angry telephone call.

"This is NHS direct.You are in a queue,approximate waiting time is 4 hours."

"yetthhh, i hold..."

"Must resist...phone allure...of bilingual telemarketers!"

It's that danged telemarketer again.