Resume Tweakers Gifts

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Have you got a resume?'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"I hope you realise that you'll be starting at the bottom."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."