Resume Whisperer Gifts

"Your resume shows you have had numerous jobs and in all of them you were rather invisible."

"Feel free to watch yourself while we go through the vetting process."

I think we might be able to use you in our advertising department.

'I see by your resume that it would be impossible to underestimate you.'

"Are you trying to get a job?!!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I'm sorry son, parents don't like the 11 plus...'

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

'Can you loan me *** till pay day?'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

Computer help.

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

Two computers are having a conversation, but stop when their owner enters the room.

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

Computer whisperer.

"The biggest downside of funding IT startups... is being called 'dude'!"

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"Where do you see yourself in five moves?"

WWW.World.com

The fax machine had stopped and they did not know why.