Resume Tweakers Pillows

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Have you got a resume?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

"I hope you realise that you'll be starting at the bottom."