Resume Remixers Pillows

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Tonight: Wagner's Ring Tone Cycle.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'My analysis indicates the need for an asbestos-ectomy, electrical-graphs and a plumbing-bypass.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

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"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

'You say that you dreamt you got a job here?... And in your dream did you have a better CV than this?'

'... and I especially like this attribute... 'an immigrant's work ethic'.'

"Your resume was good, up until the point where you said, 'Don't make me beg.'"

"Any other educational experience other than watching every episode of Sesame Street?"

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

'But you got a second interview, that's something.'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

'The following program was made possible by remixing a bunch of OTHER programs....'

"My Dad keeps playing the awful originals to my remixes."

I'm his lawyer, here to defend inaccuracies in his resume.