Resume Satire Fan Gifts

Bar bouncer resumes.

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Director/Action Man toy.

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Fabrique en Francais (Made in France).

What's normal?

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"No Frodo, we are still many leagues from Mordor. This is from a wildfire by I-5 west of Bakersfield."

"You know, there are other emojis."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

The Working Woman's Magazine

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"The Chicken: Just another body type that shouldn't be permitted to wear yoga pants."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

The Snarky District

On the brink.

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Parade of Businessmen

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."