Satire Fan Gifts

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

"I grant you three wishes – as long as they're not hand sanitiser, face masks or toilet paper."

"Looking good!"

'You're not from around here?'

Various Birds of Pray.

"Wait, people! Let's not rush into a bad deal."

"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."

'BOy! Talk about organ rejection!'

'Off hand, I'd say you're suffering from an arrow through your head, but just to play it safe, I'm ordering a bunch of tests.'

'It's all her on your facebook page.'

"Definitely work-related."

'My child has an eating disorder. She likes vegetables.'

Sarcasm support group.

'The policy pays out in the case of accidental death, or if you can make it look like an accident.'

The New Surgery Interpreter was to prove invaluable

"Oh, like you know something the Internet doesn't know."

'So we're agreed then there's no need to change our equal opportunities employment policies.'

"Sure, it looks good. Too good. Trust me, there's always a catch."

In case of emergency...break glass: Crisis Manual.

'That might work as your own personal mission statement. But what we're really shooting for here is something the whole company can get behind.'

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"Not to worry—I'm going to put our best-looking people on the job."

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'I know, let's try role reversal. I'll drone on and on about my miserable life and we'll see how you like it.'

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

"Try to get more exercise."

'When I die, please cremate me and send my ashes to the tax office. . .Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.''

Newspaper headlines - Butters kills, Margarine kills.

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'It's because I'm a bull, isn't it.'

'No, I don't take any drugs, but I do have a $50 a day latte habit.'

'Something is missing.'

School children looking at different careers from magazine covers, each involving celebrity status.

'Forensic scientists have now determined that the fall of the Roman Empire was due to an accounting error.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'