Resume Artist Gifts

'Your resume is certainly memorable. You used a different font for every other word you wrote.'

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

"I think that one of my best qualities is my imagination, evidence of which you can interpret from my list of qualifications on pages 3, 4, 6 and eight."

"I'm proud of that resumé but I'm sensing 'stickler for the truth'."

'I sent 1000 email resumes and no replies however one prospective employer said the clipart was cute.'

"Duckworth, your resume is pure baloney. Can you start writing political campaign speeches tomorrow?"

"A vibrant imagination is an excellent quality for the job...but not the CV."

"I think my main strength is my imagination, which I think you can see from my CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

Resume Consultant. To avoid giving anybody the wrong idea, you should stop calling yourself a "hands-on" manager.

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"Your resume is full of half-truths, sophistry, and thinly veiled lies. You'll be a real asset to this campaign."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."