Resume Creative Gifts

'I don't have a traditional resume, but I do have this DVD featuring me in a number of amusing office bloopers from my previous job.'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"It's been hell since you went into animation."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

Personnel. Portions of my resume have been redacted for national security reasons.

"Your resume is full of half-truths, sophistry, and thinly veiled lies. You'll be a real asset to this campaign."

'How's getting you a sandwich going to help me get a job?'