Restroom Raconteur Gifts

Man wetting himself in a toilet queue.

"This stool shall pass."

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

I've got a new theory, Randy, and it's going to shock the world. Why? Because it's pretty much irrefutable. You know how when you're in the bathroom, it feels like five minutes have passed … but to those waiting to use it, it feels like forever? Yes … And you know how when you're at the event horizon of a black hole, five minutes to you actually is forever to the rest of the universe? ... I think we'd better alert Neil Degrasse Tyson. I call it the Time Toilation Theory.

"Do you have any idea who it is you're talking to?"

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

(No caption. Astronaut on the the moon looks at an outhouse with a picture of the Earth where the crescent moon would be.)

A couple with dog look at restroom signs of a man, a woman, and a fire hydrant.

Life's choices (Tampons and Chocolate).

"Your desk is in here now. After all, it's where you spend most of the working day!"

'I came for the $1.99 seafood buffet--I'm staying for the restrooms.'

They put their hands under me so I'll blow hot air. They put their hands under me so I'll run water. You don't want to know what they put in front of me so I'll flush.

I used to swing from chandeliers. Now I move as quickly as possible from restroom to restroom.

Toilet door. Table for one!

'Sorry buddy, this one's taken.'

Men on modernised moon

Key in PIN No.

"Do you mind?"

Express line 15 seconds or less.

Hey, little buddy. How's it going in there? You fall in? Occupied! I know it's occupied, little buddy. We all know. It's been occupied for 30 minutes. There's a long line out here. I said "occupied!" When a person says "occupied" from in here, that's supposed to buy another 10 minutes at least. "Occupied" is not a magic word, little buddy. Inhabited! That neither. We're all still here.

Man uses encyclopaedia to try to decipher trendy signs for toilets in pub: pens and cobs

Hand Drier

What really goes on in the bathroom.

Toilet 'Thinking Area.'

"Joey...I need you spending more time helping customers."

"Oh no .. Where's my ponytale ribbon?"

Yin Yang bathrooms.

Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there, I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go. Of course I'm not. What's that beeping? I hear beeping in there. You're mistaken. What you probably heard is a big truck backing up a few blocks away. I've backed up. I've put on my motorcycle helmet. I'm getting a running start. But I'm almost at the next level! ... I mean I'm almost done.

"Deals in junk....talks a load of rubbish."

Chinese dragon in the men's room

"Did someone just have verbal diarrhoea?"

Queue outside lady's toilets: 'Please wait to be seated'.

"Harris might be in there awhile. . . I saw him take a four-pack of toilet paper in there with him!"

"Think of how ashamed they'd be if they knew their Father hogged the restroom key."