Restaurateur Humor Gifts

"This wine is CORKED!"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Your French dip, sir.'

Diner.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"This is our soft opening."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

'Ooo! The dog food sounds good! ... mind you, I always have that at home.'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

American style Greek cafe.

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

Frank and Ernie's Country Diner. Special Alphabet Soup. Come in and sit for a spell.

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

F&E Subs. Hey, you replaced the little swords with periscope-shaped toothpicks! Nice touch, Ernie!

The Best Little Steak House in the City.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Thermidor Dali

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'