Resolution Rebel Gifts

'You chewed up my list of new years resolutions! Good boy!'

"Nope, no New Year's resolutions for me this year—I'm still working on a backlog dating from '87."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Make your resolutions achievable.

'Why don't you save that look of disappointment for tomorrow when I've actually broken these resolutions?'

'It's the road to Hell.'

It's always such a relief when the first resolution falls!

Habits vs. New Year's Resolutions

Now THAT'S a New Year's Resolution!

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'My New Year's resolutions? I'll start drinking, smoking and fooling around with men.'

'Well goes the last of my New Years resolution...I turned up!'

'It's a good feeling -- my New Year's resolutions are all broke, and so am I.'

'It's a good feeling -- my New Year's resolutions are all broke, and so am I.'

"Have you made a New Year's resolution?"

"I've decided to stop being one of those smug bastards who gives up something for New Year."

"So what are you planning on giving up for New Year?"

"Resolutions? pfffft. . . just chewed mine up."

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

'These aren't resolutions, they're new year's revolutions.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Damn, there goes the last of the New Years resolutions!"

'Derek's already broken one New Year's resolution.'

What can I get you? I, Edgar Ptompkin, would like all of everything. Sir? All your donuts, scones, cookies, any ice cream products, and toss in your breads. I shall happily pay. Throw them in here. Several minutes later. That's the last of 'em. What's going on? Edgar Ptompkin resolved to stop eating sweets for Lent. Fuse. Kaboom. Failed resolutions beget an April of regret and zeal.

"Any New Year's resolutions?" "I'm going to do better." "That's a nice sentiment but a little vague. Without a specific benchmark how'll you know you've met it?" "How'll I know I haven't?" "That's oddly logical." "And achievable."

Realistic resolutions 1. Give up drinking (until you have a terrible day on January 7th) 2. Exercise (until you realise it is too cold and you are too tired) 3. Eat healthy food (until you remember that you love - and in fact need - an enormous plate of mac 'n' cheese)

"My new year's resolution is not to make any new year's resolutions."

"My goal is not to break as many new year's resolutions as last year. . . I'm not going to make any."

"I gotta be me!"

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.