Resolutions Renegade Gifts

'My whole family made New Year's resolutions. Dad's eating more fruit, Mom's eating more vegetables, and I'm eating more cake.'

"I've made a list of your new years resolutions."

Hiding the electronics.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I hate this time of year."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

Music Freak.

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Female Dominance.

"I want you to start thinking back inside the box."

Exams

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

'I'm graphing the likelihood of me keeping this New Year's resolutions based on all of my previous resolutions. It doesn't look good for me.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

TV tie-in book signpost.