Resolution Renegades Gifts

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"I faked your New Year's resolution."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I hate this time of year."

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

'My whole family made New Year's resolutions. Dad's eating more fruit, Mom's eating more vegetables, and I'm eating more cake.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'Well, yes, when you put it that way, I am a selfish male afraid of commitment, but 'Lone Wolf' sounds better...'

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

Exams

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'I'm graphing the likelihood of me keeping this New Year's resolutions based on all of my previous resolutions. It doesn't look good for me.'

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

Realistic resolutions 1. Give up drinking (until you have a terrible day on January 7th) 2. Exercise (until you realise it is too cold and you are too tired) 3. Eat healthy food (until you remember that you love - and in fact need - an enormous plate of mac 'n' cheese)

'No need to put my details in darlin'... You're the girl for me!'

"So what are you planning on giving up for New Year?"

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"I'm giving up giving up!"

"Any New Year's resolutions?" "I'm going to do better." "That's a nice sentiment but a little vague. Without a specific benchmark how'll you know you've met it?" "How'll I know I haven't?" "That's oddly logical." "And achievable."

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

'There goes my New Year's resolution to be a better person.'

'You chewed up my list of new years resolutions! Good boy!'

It's resolution time!