Reading Renegade Gifts

"Baldo, when's the last time you read a book?"

"But you promised to read at least fifty pages."

TV tie-in book signpost.

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

"Me, my eyesight is rather bad, so I prefer audio-books..."

Glue gun? Glitter? Dang it, I grabbed my crafting belt again.

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

End school zone. Start unschool zone.

"Let's change table stakes to vacation days."

If You Can't Beat Them

'Oh, sure -- NOW you set boundaries!'

"That's my performance review!? Two thumbs up?"

Female Dominance.

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

'Mr Evans, I think we'd better reconsider our no-smoking policy.'

Marriage therapist's office is filled with erotic art.

"I want you to start thinking back inside the box."

Exams

Problem solving centre.

'I think it's fair to say we're opposed to tame sex marriage.'

Solar Storm Expected!

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

"Where do you keep the non-educational stuff?"

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Complaints (just kidding).

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

Leonardo Meets the I.R.S.

"You know how to whistle, don't you? Just pick up the phone and call the S.E.C."

Cluster Catastrophe