Resolution Reveler Gifts

Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.

Theorbo

Joust Sharpener

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

"I say we move on to dessert."

"I hate this time of year."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Vitruvian Manatee

"If we didn't send them out to recess after lunch, they wouldn't be full of solar energy all afternoon."

The Quantum Mechanic...

Galileo drops ball from Pisa and it goes up.

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

My own museum.

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

Two inebriated friends meet, one says: 'Hello, I've not seen you since you were this high.'

Dear Diary...Resolutions

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

"Due to a breakdown in communication, 'Nilla Wafers' will be used for the communion service."

Who am I kidding?

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."