Resolution Gifts

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"I hate this time of year."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

Wild Animal Park. How are the animals doing with their new year's resolutions? Good! The gazelle is trying to slow down and enjoy life, and the sloth is exercising more! What's the goat's resolution? To be more careful about what he eats? No, he just wants to spend more time with the kids this year. I heard the doe made a resolution to save some money. You misunderstood, Ernie. She didn't make any resolutions for herself. Her goal this year is to convince the male members of her specie

D I E T F We said we'd stick together this time, but we really knew it would only last a day or two.

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.