Resolution Champion Gifts

Congratulations for giving up smoking

'I want to help you with your resolution to lose 25 pounds! You can't watch TV until you can fit through the doorway to the family room.'

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Guy in gym

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

"Oh, no! That was the deal. Anchovey pizza, then we watch this!"

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

Arafat eats peace dove: 'BURP!'

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Looks like I do dishes again.

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

My resolution this year? Getting in shape so I can lift my favorite snacks!

Playing With Peace

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!