Resolution Pillows

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"I hate this time of year."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'