New Resolution Gifts

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Mediation Process

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

January Joiner

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

The Janopause

Good intentions last a month on average

New years resolutions

"Do you have a one day a year membership?"

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Sure-fire weight loss program."