Resolution Bender Gifts

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Black hole setting

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Guy in gym

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"