Resolution Bender Pillows

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Black hole setting

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Guy in gym

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

If it makes you fell any better, I had to make seven New Year's resolutions, and I'm sure I'll break every last one. Ice cream.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

Wild Animal Park. How are the animals doing with their new year's resolutions? Good! The gazelle is trying to slow down and enjoy life, and the sloth is exercising more! What's the goat's resolution? To be more careful about what he eats? No, he just wants to spend more time with the kids this year. I heard the doe made a resolution to save some money. You misunderstood, Ernie. She didn't make any resolutions for herself. Her goal this year is to convince the male members of her specie