Resident Skeptic Gifts

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

10 Commandments in the Supreme Court (USA)

"I understand the allure of religion. It offers hope in a world that's often cruel and unfair. But religion's promises have been consistently proven false. Science, on the other hand, has actually delivered the things that improve human life...."

"I may have wasted my life, but at least I don't look stupid."

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Sure, it's 'beautiful,' Ray, but where are the outlet stores?!"

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'He can't speak to the dead, but he can speak to the dead.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"This isn't a reality show. . . it's the news."

"And Lord, let not thy laws apply to me, your loyal servant, but only to those miserable sinners whose souls we endeavor to save when it suits us."

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Oh yes, I've got the whole business computerised now"

'Dang it Sharif, I told you we shouldn't built the jacuzzi on an ancient bee burial ground.'

"For the last time-empty your pockets before you put your robe in the wash."

PERSONNEL, 'Your resume has everything but verisimilitude.''

"I am not a witch. . . I'm not! . . . And if you set that wood on fire, I'll turn you into a toad!"

Brains Prohibited sign on door to church

"I'm dating an exorcist..!"

Atheist Richard Dawkins attacks Pope's beliefs.

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

'It's probably just a weather balloon.'

"Yes, everything—I need a list of all the medications you're on."

'From what I've been hearing about it, I'm not sure I want a grip on reality.'

'Mrs. Nortman just sent in this fax of a rash that she's got on her stomach.'

'I blame the internet.'