Award Skeptic Gifts

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

"Welcome to the future"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Guess what? I won again.'

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Soccer coach of the year.

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

AI Threat to Democracy

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Norman E-Mailer