Award Skeptic Pillows

"Somehow these awards are seeming less special."

"Welcome to the future"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Soccer coach of the year.

"I removed the AI software from your computer and I can see now that you're a blithering idiot."

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"That's what I get for using artificial intelligence."

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Norman E-Mailer

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

AI Threat to Democracy