Oscars Skeptic Pillows

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

Alternative Medicine

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

"Dear diary...Well at least I'm not having to watch the Oscars."

May I have the envelope, please?

Oscars 2024

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

Ellen Page

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

Oscars

The Academy began to regret awarding the Oscar to Destructo.

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."

Today's Topic: "Intelligent Design." Do you believe in "intelligent design"? I did until I met you.

Doing Something About the Weather