Reserve Officer Gifts

"It was either us or nuclear weapons."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'At ease, soldier.'

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

'Remember that promotion you were asking for last month, , ,Well, something just opened up,'

'That's right - a restraining order. You should know mother bears are very protective of their young.'

'You know the rules, private - no pets!'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

"Did I say 'corner office'? I meant 'corner of my office'."

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

A Rifle Competition in the North

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

At a Country House

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'