Research Project's Jester Gifts

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"This position has become very important to the company."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Eureka!

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'