Research Project's Jester Pillows

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

"This position has become very important to the company."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Eureka!

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."