Rescue Humorist Gifts

Mountain rescue: two men carry a mountain on a stretcher.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

Suez Canal Curse

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

'Did you just hear that? Scientist say we are now an endangered species and mating should be our top priority!'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

Dual Airbags